Mental Health in Veterinary Medicine Part Two: Boundaries and Saying No

This is part two of a conversation from an episode about Boundary Setting on the Tails from the Lab podcast hosted by Brad Ryan (MSC, DVM, MPH), Senior Professional Services Veterinarian at Antech and Jen Brandt (LISW-S, PhD), Director of Member Wellbeing Initiatives at AVMA.

Read part one here: Mental Health in Veterinary Medicine: A Conversation About Personal Agency and Boundary Setting with Dr. Jen Brandt

A Conversation about Personal Agency and Boundary Setting with Dr. Jen Brandt, and listen to the full conversation here.

Navigating Discomfort with Care

Dr. Brad: “How do you handle someone’s disappointment when you say no or a response that might be unfavorable?”

Dr. Jen: First, it helps to acknowledge that discomfort is part of being in relationship with other people. That discomfort can be even more pronounced in veterinary work, where responsibilities, emotions, and expectations often run high.

One simple strategy is to create space to check in with yourself and ask:

• Is this aligned with my role, values, and responsibilities right now?
• Do I have the capacity right now?
• Am I responding from obligation or choice?

When boundary setting is new—especially for people who are used to being highly available—it can initially feel unsettling, even anxiety-provoking, to say no. That discomfort often has less to do with the request itself and more to do with stepping out of a familiar role or identity—one that has long been tied to feeling valued, needed, or dependable.

In those moments, it can be helpful to talk things through with someone you trust and who models clear, respectful boundaries, before responding.

Over time, the process becomes more familiar, less charged, and more grounded in self-trust.

The Relief That Can Come with Saying No

Dr. Brad: “There can be a sense of freedom in saying no, right?”

Dr. Jen: Yes! Even when it’s something you genuinely want to do, recognizing that you don’t have the capacity right now to take on a new commitment can bring a surprising sense of relief. Sometimes that relief comes from saying no for now—and other times, from realizing that a more lasting no is what’s needed.

Rest isn’t something our culture consistently encourages—but it’s essential. Saying no is one way we protect the ability to keep showing up in meaningful ways.

What Changes When Boundaries Are Respected at Work

Dr. Brad: “How do we know when we’ve arrived at a place where boundaries are respected, people feel free to express them, and there’s openness across the team? What benefits show up for the entire practice?”

Dr. Jen: Getting to that place takes intention and shared effort. It means spending time as a team talking through what boundaries actually look and sound like in day-to-day work—not in theory, but in practice. We can’t assume everyone has the same mental picture of what a boundary is or how those boundaries will be expressed and followed through on. Practicing the language together, naming concrete examples, and clarifying expectations helps create alignment.

When teams do that work, the benefits are significant. We see improved retention, enhanced psychological safety, increased trust, clearer communication, and better decision-making. People aren’t operating from guesswork or personal interpretation anymore; they’re working from a shared understanding of team expectations and norms.

Having clarity around what’s expected, what it looks like when those expectations are being met, and how the team will support and hold one another accountable can be truly transformative. One reason this kind of culture isn’t more common is that it can’t be achieved through a memo or a policy alone. It requires real conversation—often ongoing, sometimes uncomfortable, but ultimately stabilizing, clarifying, and orienting for members of the team.  

Dr. Brad: “I identify as an empath and a highly sensitive person. Does that heightened awareness—especially of dynamics or what might happen if I disrupt the status quo—play a role in boundary setting?”

Dr. Jen: Yes, very much so—and that’s my wiring, too. For many people, especially those who grew up in or worked in environments that were unpredictable and didn’t always feel safe, being highly attuned to others becomes a strength. You learn to scan the environment quickly and anticipate reactions.

The challenge is that this same skill can also fuel fear-based thinking. One way that can show up is catastrophizing. So part of the internal work, even before setting a boundary, is to pause and ask: Am I taking something that’s possible and treating it as if it’s probable? Often, the worst-case scenario might initially seem inevitable, yet the likelihood of that outcome is actually quite small.

When we first start boundary setting, we can seek support and encouragement from trusted friends. “I’m working on my boundaries, and I’m practicing saying no.” Taking these initial steps, in low stakes environments with people who are rooting for our success can help build confidence over time.

Even in situations that trigger fear or old patterns, we can still go back to the basics: What do I need right now? What supports my sense of safety? What allows me to do my best work?

Fear can also influence how we set boundaries. Sometimes we over-explain or soften the message so much that it gets lost in translation. In many cases, clarity is actually kinder—to ourselves and to others. A simple, calm “No, I can’t do that,” or “Yes, I can do that by next week,” is often enough.

When the person on the other side is emotionally healthy, even if they’re disappointed in our response, they’re unlikely to react dramatically to a reasonable boundary. And even when we receive a more reactive response, we can remind ourselves: I’m an adult now. I have a right to express my needs. I can handle the outcome, even when it feels uncomfortable.

There’s still a lot of internal dialogue that happens along the way, and that’s okay. Boundary setting doesn’t mean fear disappears; it means we learn how to move forward thoughtfully, even when discomfort or resistance shows up.

Final Thought from Dr. Jen

Boundary setting isn’t about building walls that keep people out. It’s about creating the conditions that invite people into healthier, more sustainable connection—for yourself, your team, and the work you do together.