Mental Health in Veterinary Medicine Part Four: Self-Compassion and Perfectionism with Dr. Jen Brandt

This is the second episode in a three-part series on mental health in veterinary medicine from the Tails from the Lab podcast, hosted by Brad Ryan (MSC, DVM, MPH), Senior Professional Services Veterinarian at Antech, in conversation with Jen Brandt (LISW-S, PhD), Director of Member Wellbeing Initiatives at the AVMA.

In this episode, Drs. Brad and Jen talk about the relationship between self-compassion and perfectionism.

You can listen to the full conversation here.

Dr. Brad Ryan: In our first segment, we talked about the integral role of boundary setting as it pertains to mental health. Today, we’re continuing our discussion of self-compassion.

Dr Brad : What makes self-compassion so difficult? For me, when I think about the conversations that I see online on social media about mental health and veterinary medicine, they’ve largely focused on suicide and suicide prevention. And one thing that comes up all the time is perfectionism. For years, until I got into vet school and it no longer worked for me, I always felt good about identifying as a perfectionist. I wore that as a badge of honor. And perfectionism was an expectation in the culture — that a perfectionist is one who really takes academics and the profession seriously.

Anything short of that ideal of perfectionism was someone who’s not “enough” or “doing enough” or “not caring enough.” So I wanted to be enough, and care enough, and do enough. Now, I give a speech on mental health, starting the presentation off by saying, “No one ever told me that perfectionism was an unhealthy mindset.” And I say it as if the sky is blue, and I can see the heads exploding in the audience because obviously we still have a lot of people that identify that way. Despite the fact that so many veterinarians are hardwired towards this idea that perfectionism is a noble character or inherently a good thing — an indicator that one is a strong academic and someone who takes their job seriously — at the end of the day, we have so much data to show that perfectionism is linked with a litany of adverse mental health and physical health outcomes. So why is perfectionism a pattern that ultimately does not serve the pursuit of self-compassion.

Docteur Jen : You named a big reason why perfectionism persists despite the harm it can cause—because it’s rewarded. Good grades. Praise from clients. Recognition at work. Respect from colleagues. That reinforcement teaches the brain, “Keep doing this.”

The problem is that perfectionism is built on fear and conditional worth, not self-compassion. It often relies on shame and fear as a motivator, which means it actively undermines kindness, balance, and wellbeing.

With perfectionism, self-compassion can feel risky—like, “If I’m kind to myself, I’ll lose my edge. I’ll stop trying. I’ll fall behind.” But that fear is based on the belief that being hard on ourselves is what keeps us performing—a message that’s deeply embedded in high-achievement cultures.

Culturally, we tend to protect perfectionism because we benefit from it. High standards, flawless performance, and people who push themselves relentlessly often serve systems and workplaces well. Because of that, we’re much less likely to question perfectionism—even when it comes at a cost to ourselves and others. Behaviors that model vulnerability and self-compassion, however, may be more easily criticized or dismissed as weak, indulgent, or “too sensitive.”

And for many perfectionists, it’s doing double duty. It’s not just how I prove I’m good enough—it’s also how I keep the fear quiet. If I fall short, the conclusion isn’t, “I’m human.” It’s, “I need to try harder next time.” The goalposts keep moving, so the relief that comes from a good performance never lasts.

I’ll share that I’m not a perfectionist by nature, but I am very familiar with workaholism, which runs on similar fuel. You get praised for over giving, for always saying yes, for carrying more than your share. And it can take time to realize that external praise doesn’t protect your health and wellbeing. Your relationship with yourself and alignment with your values matter in a way that external praise can’t replace.

Dr Brad : Right. In the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, which was my first foray into the self-help world, the takeaway point that really stuck with me (of which there were many) was that perfectionism is not the same thing as healthy striving. It doesn’t sound as sexy to say I’m a healthy striver, as opposed to a perfectionist, but at the end of the day, to me “healthy striver” means that I’m a recovering perfectionist and the terminology that keeps me anchored to self-compassion. I haven’t surrendered my commitment to the profession, I haven’t surrendered my commitment to learning throughout my life and constantly improving upon myself, I’ve just absolved myself of any illusion that I can be something that I can’t and beating myself up every step of the way. When you can release that and have a different ideal in mind, I can start to reality check the messages and not that I’m a slacker that’s given up on self-improvement.

Docteur Jen : I love the term “healthy striver,” because it keeps the commitment to the process and drops the self-attack at the outcomes that are so often outside of our control.
With perfectionism, when the outcome isn’t perfect, it turns into: “I didn’t do enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good enough. I am not enough.” It becomes a character verdict.
Healthy striving sounds more like: “I wanted a different outcome. How might I approach this differently the next time?” That’s learning. That’s growth. That’s accountability—without turning it into a personal indictment.

And sometimes healthy striving also includes: “This was the best possible outcome in a complex situation,” even if it isn’t the outcome you hoped for. That’s not letting yourself off the hook—that’s being realistic.
And again, it’s not just the personal impact. The way we talk to ourselves has ripple effects on the people around us.

Dr Brad : Yes, we struggle as a profession around these perpetual perfectionistic thoughts that are just hardwired in us. And all the while our self-compassion is going down over time. Ultimately, you might be able to play the game for a while, but eventually you’ll burn your candle from both ends and find yourself in a state of imbalance or self-destruction.
That’s perfectionism, just one of the patterns. Self-critical inner talk, looking around the room and comparing yourself to other people was one of my patterns. In my case, cruel, vicious self-talk began to become the predominant voice. And that’s something that I’ve had to work on in my post vet school life. Can we talk about self-critical inner talk and why it’s so detrimental?

Docteur Jen : Yes. A lot of self-critical inner talk is also shaped by environment. This isn’t unique to veterinary medicine, but it’s definitely amplified in high-stakes settings where people get the message—directly or indirectly—that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. And to be clear: the stakes in medicine sont real. Mistakes can and do have serious consequences. We don’t want to minimize that. What we can do, however, is learn to respond to this reality in different ways.

If my inner voice is only, “I’m an idiot, I’m not good enough,” where does growth go from there? What does that even lead to besides shame and isolation? And if I believe I’m the root of all problems, why would I bother to ask for help or support?

I used to observe classes—both in veterinary and human medicine—and watch what happened when a student considered raising their hand. You could see the hesitation in their body language. And when they finally asked the question, sometimes there’d be eye rolls, snickering, or a critical comment. I could see firsthand the lack of psychological safety in the learning environment and the impact that it had on everyone—not just the person brave enough to ask a question. That student often walked away thinking, “You’re stupid. You shouldn’t have asked anything. Don’t do that again.” And then the brain concludes, “I’ll stay safe by trying harder and shaming myself into silence.” It feels protective, but it doesn’t create better learning or better outcomes. It just creates more fear and isolation.

Dr Brad : Let’s talk about some tangible first steps we can take for ourselves as we start to tiptoe into those waters that aren’t serving us. What’s one thing we can do on an individual basis, and as a veterinary team?

Docteur Jen : Individually, the first step is awareness. A lot of these thought patterns are so ingrained we don’t even notice them.
One simple way to practice is this: when you catch a harsh thought, ask, “If someone I love said this about themself, what would I say to them?” It helps you find language that’s more supportive and more humane—without asking you to jump straight to something you don’t believe.

As a team, we can practice balanced feedback. Yes, talk about what went wrong in rounds—we learn from that. But also name what went right. Catch each other doing things well: “When that client was upset, I noticed you slowed the conversation down, reflected their concerns back to them, and explained the options without rushing. That really helped de-escalate the situation” or “When the schedule started backing up, you jumped in to help with patient handling, checked in with the techs, and kept the tone calm. That made a stressful moment feel more manageable for everyone.” Having a shared practice of noticing “what good looks like” helps build a culture where compassion—toward ourselves and each other—can take root.

Dr Brad : It’s about that one little thing that I can do today and over time that becomes the way you are. That’s the way you show up for yourself and your team every day. And then there’s always room to build on top of that and keep working towards being a more self-actualized, self-compassionate person but we need to be patient with ourselves.

Docteur Jen : We do. And when all else fails, my shortcut—on days I’m really not feeling great about myself—is a simple mantra: “I’m enough.” When I can hang onto that and let it bring me back to my core self, it is surprisingly powerful.Dr Brad :Thank you, Dr. Brandt for joining me in this discussion.